from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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