Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
