I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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