I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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