How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
