you guys were way drunker than both of me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
