cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
