I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
the day after is always just damage control
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Randomize
