A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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