Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
