I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
