Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
