return my video game
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize