dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
