Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize