If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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