She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
