I cockslap morals
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
