It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
