Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize