Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's blow job season.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
