i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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