Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
