I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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