He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize