see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
