Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
