I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
