There is no way he is gay with that hair.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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