Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The uberlube is also flammable
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
