Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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