and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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