yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my mouth tastes like poor choices
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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