Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
