I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
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