Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
