fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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