I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
