I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He has the fingertips of a God
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