so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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