the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
