Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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