What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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