i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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