I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
