I'm passing your future prison.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
