i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
