talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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