Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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