The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
