she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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