you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
