I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize