The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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