I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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