im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
