I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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