You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The air taste purple.
Randomize
