i permit you to call me
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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