i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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