I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
