You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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