We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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