I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Even my vagina gasped.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
