He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
